25
Jul
11

Communism Explained With Cows

I know it’s been a long time since I last updated, but the ISO has yet to get back to me and I’m committed on not proceeding until I’ve heard everyone out.

 

As a filler article, I’ve created this brutally simplistic and tongue-in-cheek list explaining various leftist tendencies with cow analogies.

Hope you find it amusing.

 

Orthodox Communism:

Everyone gets a cow.

Stalinism:

You milk the government’s cows, and then the government shoots you.
Trotskyism:

You try to get the cow-milkers to form a union.

Maoism:

You milk cows out of love for the glorious leader.

Hoxhaism:

You claim that your cows are the only real cows.

Anarchism:

Screw you man, I’m milking goats.
Anarcho-Primitivism:

You hunt cows.

Communist Humanism:

Robots milk the cows for you.

Primitive Communism:

Everyone gets a cow until the shaman declares them to be possessed.

European “Socialism”:

You get to milk the government’s cows- unless you’re gypsy, Muslim, or an immigrant.

Canadian “Socialism”:

Same as European Socialism, but instead of being a racist you’re polite to the point of being creepy.

Soviet “Socialism”:

Cows milk you!

Democratic Socialism:

The government will eventually get you a cow. Seriously- when has the government ever gone back on a promise?

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