Communism Explained With Cows

I know it’s been a long time since I last updated, but the ISO has yet to get back to me and I’m committed on not proceeding until I’ve heard everyone out.


As a filler article, I’ve created this brutally simplistic and tongue-in-cheek list explaining various leftist tendencies with cow analogies.

Hope you find it amusing.


Orthodox Communism:

Everyone gets a cow.


You milk the government’s cows, and then the government shoots you.

You try to get the cow-milkers to form a union.


You milk cows out of love for the glorious leader.


You claim that your cows are the only real cows.


Screw you man, I’m milking goats.

You hunt cows.

Communist Humanism:

Robots milk the cows for you.

Primitive Communism:

Everyone gets a cow until the shaman declares them to be possessed.

European “Socialism”:

You get to milk the government’s cows- unless you’re gypsy, Muslim, or an immigrant.

Canadian “Socialism”:

Same as European Socialism, but instead of being a racist you’re polite to the point of being creepy.

Soviet “Socialism”:

Cows milk you!

Democratic Socialism:

The government will eventually get you a cow. Seriously- when has the government ever gone back on a promise?


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